Intercourse, PA- Shem Clemmit (24) is being sought after by local authorities after pictures of him surfaced on Instagram sporting stolen wheels on his vehicle. The wheels in question are 36 inches of pleasure. Wheel wholesaler Barney Minn reported the theft a week prior.
Clemmit was last seen making a hard charge towards New York where it is suspected he was going to meet with more Amish exiles to plan a coup of the current Amish regime. That’s unlikely to happen. Driving a car with wooden wheels is not the brightest idea and authorities are sure it’s just a matter of time before he is spotted broken down on the side of the road.
If spotted authorities urge you to show a little bit of leg above the knee and Shem will likely just fall to the ground from all the blood rushing to his wiener.