September 16, 2021

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Keith Richards Found In Hotel Room Early This Morning

London, England- Keith Richards (77) went missing the other night and not too many people were worried, as Keith is immortal right? Well no he’s not, but more to the point Richards was supposed to show up for a rehearsal at Wembley Stadium the previous night. If there’s one thing this rock and roll legend does is he shows up for work.

After missing rehearsal people started to make calls and it was said that Richards never left his hotel room after the previous day and was still believed to be there. Cautiously room service was dispatched to his room to investigate.

Upon entering the room under the guise of picking up dirty dirty dishes, Richards was found in the jacuzzi tub surrounded by strippers discussing the current state of affairs in England. “This crusty old man was surrounded by some of the ugliest strippers I have ever seen. Titty’s saggin’ and ass draggin’! Oh my it was quite a scene!”, said a hotel employee.

Turns out he just lost track of time. You know, cos he’s 300 years old.

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