September 16, 2021


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Man Arrested For Writing A Check With His Penis At Best Buy

Houston, Texas– On September 23 a Jersey Village man was arrested for indecent exposure at Best Buy (location withheld to protect the innocent). The mans name is Heathcliff Von Stuber age 33 .

Police were called when Stuber proceeded to fill out his check using a pen gripped by his penis. The cashier claimed the pen was in such a way that it reminded her of how an elephant would hold a paint brush. “He just kinda wrapped his thing around the pen and wrote the check”, say the cashier who wishes to remain anonymous.

People who were waiting in line could not believe what they saw. As one woman describes, “His tube steak was just big enough to flex and hold the pen. I was actually quite impressed.” While it may be impressive, Stuber faces up to 5 counts including Indecent Exposure in the 1st degree which comes with a maximum penalty of $25,000 and 5 years in prison.

Let this story be a lesson to young lads everywhere. Unless someone asks to see your meat, keep it in your pants!

As more information follows, we will update.