January 15, 2022


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Man Sleeps With His Comatose Mother


San Antonio, TX- Brad Currows visits his mother everyday in the hospital where she has been in a coma since December 2019. Brad’s mother, Cindy Currows fell into a coma after an infection spread throughout her body. The infection has abated but she still has not waken from her slumber.

All my Fortnite buddies were so happy for me. I haven’t won a game since.

Brad is the ever vigilant son. Always fresh flowers and balloons for his Ma. One day while reading a romance novel to her, a doctor came in with some bad news. His mother was losing brain activity and according to Dr. Milson, “would be gone within the year and now would be the time to contemplate pulling the plug”.

He was beside hisself. “What will I do without Mama?!”, he thought. Brad went home that night, cracked open a case of Steel Reserve and began to formulate a plan. About 14 beers in, the idea to have a child with his mother occurred to him. That way he could always have a part of her around.

It was tough having to pull Brad off his mother after she had passed. It took about 3 more pumps to get him free.

Brad wrote a letter to Ted Cruz explaining his desire to pro-create with his mother, along with a twelve pack of Steel Reserve. About 9 beers in Cruz formulated a 306 page letter back to Brad. The letter concluded with Cruz granting permission and would even set up the encounter between son and mother. The only thing Cruz wanted in return was a promise that the child would be named Zodiac.

Brad quickly went to work. The zest at which Brad was pounding his mother seemed a little odd, but whatever. After 63 consecutive days of intercourse the doctors told him the chances of his mother getting pregnant we’re pretty slim. Another 30 days passed and so did Cindy. Brad was inconsolable for weeks after the passing of his beloved mother. Cindy Currows passed away at the age of 83.