October 15, 2021

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Woman Addicted To Pumpkin Spice Holds Up A Starbucks

Thousand Oaks, CA- Wendy Sherer is your typical upper middle class housewife. Her husband is a realtor and she takes care of the home. They are working on having children and for all intents and purposes, they are living the American dream. Except for one glaring issue, Wendy is addicted to Pumpkin Spice!

That’s right, this unassuming everyday woman cannot help herself when it comes to pumpkins spice and Starbucks. Strangely enough though, in the off-season when pumpkin spice is not available she can maintain. Or so it would seem.

Behind the scenes when her spice is not available she is a “complete wreck” according to friends. “On the edge” is often used to describe her behavior. That all changes when Starbucks starts offering the spice of her choosing. Wendy knew she had to prepare for the off-season in a different way if she wanted to make it through without going bat shit crazy. She was going to rob Starbucks of all the goddamn pumpkin spice she could .

“I knew it was just a matter of time till that bitch lost her shit. I’m just glad I was here to see it”, Bethany the barista.

On an unassuming late Tuesday morning, Wendy entered Starbucks with a gun in hand. “Let me speak to the manager!”, not uncommon to hear in this setting but with more urgency than usual. The manager appeared and quickly told her they have already sent out the deposit and the safe if empty. But she didn’t want any money, she wanted her spice.

“Listen mother fucker, I want all the goddamn pumpkin spice you have or I’m gonna pop a cap in your ass!”. With that the manager grabbed all the spice they had on hand and gave it to Wendy. Wendy took the spice and ran out of the coffee shop. She raced home and wildly started doing lines of pumpkin spice. She would later describe the experience of snorting pumpkin spice as, “the best orgasm I’ve ever had”.

We hope she enjoyed it because within 2hrs she was caught by local authorities on her way to another Starbucks.

Let this be a lesson to all of you, keep it cool on the pumpkin spice lest you end up like Wendy Sherer.

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