January 15, 2022

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Man Dies While Fellating Himself

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Manny Lews passed away on Sunday when his penis got lodged in his throat and he suffocated to death. Manny had long been known to be able to suck his own dick. He would do it at parties or for the right amount of cash, but what people didn’t know that was when he was alone he could not get enough of it.

“10-12 times a day he would suck himself off. I felt useless”, an ex-girlfriend said. Often times you could find Manny sitting on the toilet taking a shit and sucking his own dick at the same time. He was a real problem solver. At red lights or in heavy traffic, Manny could pull out his cock and bust a nut real quick. Many people thought he should be in porn with such an amazing ability like sucking ones own dick.

Unfortunately Manny will never get to show off his skills on the computer screen. His penis got stuck in his throat while attempting to deepthroat his cock. “Had he successfully put his entire cock in his mouth he most likely would have punctured several organs”, a doctor said. “Suffocation may have been better than crushing his organs with his organ”.

In lieu of flowers, friends and family are asking folks to help spread awareness for self fellators. “It’s perfectly normal to want to do yourself orally”, said a family friend. Normal, maybe. Fun, absolutely. Deadly, yup.

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