Clint Eastwood (92), was rushed to a local Carmel Hospital earlier today after the deadly Ligma virus took control of his vital organs. The storied actor, director and champion for the common man, was feeling fine just days prior. A spokesman for the Actor had this to say to media outlets today, “What you have heard is true. Clint Eastwood has been diagnosed with Ligma. We are not sure how long he has been suffering from this affliction. Doctors have told him that he has only weeks left to live”, Franklin Spearman.
This news comes as a shock to millions and millions of Americans. “While many believe Ligma had been fully eradicated, Eastwood’s diagnosis proves otherwise. Unfortunately the only thing we can do at this point is ease his suffering. He is currently on life support and sadly the sickness has already spread throughout his body”, Dr. Perry Anworth of Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula.
Eastwood has been an integral part of America’s democratic system of constitutionality for many decades. In recent memory he has become a social icon and political legend to the downtrodden and disenfranchised.
While no one is sure how or when Eastwood contracted Ligma, many believe it was the long hours of a high a stress career coupled with a diet rich in fats that made him a good host for the fatal illness. Eastwood is now in a hermetically sealed environment to prevent the spread of Ligma. Our thoughts and prayers are with Clint and his family today.