Peanut Butter Makes A Terrible Sexual Lubricant If You Suffer From A Nut Allergy


Rachel Green (29) of Bakersfield California was rushed to the hospital over the weekend when she had a severe allergic reaction to peanut butter. Her and her boyfriend Carl were in the midst of a 72hr meth binge and wanted to have sex. Unfortunately for Rachel when she is high she cannot produce her own natural vaginal lubricant. Not having sex was not an option for the two hopped up lovers. So with some quick thinking Carl dipped his cock in a jar of Jif Peanut Butter.

The peanut butter was dual purpose. A. Rachel could get some nutrition by going down on him and B. It was a natural lubricant. After about 9hrs of sex the two decided to take a smoke break. Rachel went into the bathroom to pick at her face when she was taken aback at how puffy her face had become. It was then she snapped back into reality and remembered that she was allergic to peanuts and would die if not treated right away.

“Peanut butter is a great natural lubricant if neither party has an allergy otherwise it is a deadly agent of destruction”, Dr. Max Rovenberg PHD.

Not only had her face doubled in size but her vagina had closed shut due to swelling. Carl called an ambulance and explained what happened. In the process of his explanation Carl accidentally dropped the dime on himself and Rachel in regards to the drugs they had been taking. EMT’s called the police to the scene while they themselves rushed Rachel to the hospital.

Rachel was given the antidote and was soon feeling better. Carl was arrested for drug possession and attempted murder for dipping his dick in the peanut butter and poisoning Rachel via her vagina. Rachel was slapped on the wrist with a simple possession charge. She will have 200hrs of community service to do while Carl is looking at 10 years if convicted of attempted murder by poisoning.

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