Houston, Texas- Joel Osteen has been granted permission by Pope Francis and President Joe Biden to be the first pope of America. Francis and Biden reached out to the mega pastor to offer the position with many believing he was told “it would be wise for you to accept, Pope’s don’t get audited” as a way to open him up to the idea. Joel was ecstatic at the prospect according to insiders.
Naming an American Pope will surely set the stage for better relations with Vatican City and hopefully a revival of good religious values in America. Joel Osteen will officially become America’s most holy man sometime in the winter of 2022. Many are not sure what particular powers an American Pope will wield, but word has it that Joel will still be televising his sermons, but this time to a much, much bigger audience.
“Pope Joel will bring in donation monies that will dwarf his previous returns. Americans will eat it all up”, ringsssss.com news correspondent Albert Connors. If America is to turn a corner, Pope Joel will be the light which we all follow in the darkness that is today’s world. Pope Joel can save this country.