December 6, 2021

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Tesla To Implement “Safe Sex Mode” In All Its New Vehicles

Palo Alto, California- Tesla is installing a safe sex mode into all its newly produced vehicles. We all know about “insane” mode, but what the heck is “safe sex” mode? Well it is and isn’t what you think. Let us explain; It is not a contraceptive or way to protect you from STD’s. It is designed to cause you to abstain from sex all together.

How is that “safe sex” you ask, if there is no sex going on? Well according to Elon Musk, “no sex is the best sex”. You heard that right. Here’s what happens in safe sex mode; A preloaded hologram will play and project itself inside the cockpit of your Tesla. It’s a hologram of Musk that will engage you in conversation as a way to distract you from deviant desires.

“oh you nasty boys” – Musk

Popular options will include custom holograms of individuals from your own life. Have your mother-in-law uploaded to deny your boner. Have your cat’s Butthole appear right before your face. For 10k you can have MAGA mode added as an augment to safe sex mode. In MAGA mode donald trump give you JOI that will flat give you permanent erectile dysfunction.

Pre-ordering will start in October. Pre-cumming will not be allowed.

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