Kelly Browers (25) of Simi Valley California has passed away from injuries sustained while attempting to catch a sword with her vagina. Kelly dreamed of just making it onto America’s Got Talent. She was honing her craft and getting ready to send in her audition tape when the accident happened.
“Kelly worked her kegel muscles out incredibly hard so she could stop that sword in a split second with her powerful vaginal walls”, said a friend of Kelly’s.
During her set Kelly would throw a sword in the air and point her vagina to the sky so she could catch the sword on the way down. Kegel muscles relaxed, that sword would slide right in and when she contracted them, the sword would stay in place saving her internal organs from disaster.
Unfortunately with greatness comes the risk of great loss. The night prior Kelly had pulled a muscle in her vagina during a vigorous sexual encounter. That pulled muscle restricted her ability to clamp down on the weapon and allowed it to penetrate her stomach, liver, pancreas, and left lung when it fell into her vagina.
“Unfortunately Kelly lacked the ability to close her vagina on time”, the medical examiner said. “That pulled muscle was the difference between America’s Got Talent and death. All true greatness comes at a price and Ms. Bowers paid the price”, Clyde Willem spokesman for the Browers family.
Services for Ms. Browers have not yet been scheduled. In lieu of flowers the family is asking that donations be made to the ASPCA in honor of Kelly’s love of animals.
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