December 6, 2021

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Laundromat Owner Laces Water With Laxatives To Increase Business

Houston, TX- Ralph Leander (37) was the owner/manager of a popular laundromat in Houston until his scheme to increase business was foiled after 33 people crapped themselves and the only thing they had in common was that they all did their laundry at his place. Ralph has been down on hard times like a lot of us, but unlike most he devised a scheme he thought would increase business.

Since the pandemic laundromat usage has taken a steep dive, but Ralph still had a few dozen regulars which helped keep him afloat. If only these folks would wash their clothes more often… After some internet research Ralph decided that if he laced the water with a laxative people would shit themselves more often and need to wash more often as well.

“This is probably the shittiest case I’ve ever been a part of”

The drug he used in the water supply will remain undisclosed as to thwart anyone with similar interests from doing the same. Within a week his planned worked wonders. His regulars were coming in more frequently. Profits were rising back to pre-pandemic profits. Things seemed too good to be true. They were.

One lady who did her laundry at his place shit herself on her wedding day at the alter. She couldn’t understand why she kept shitting herself. Then she put it together that she only shit on days where she wore something that was washed at Ralph’s laundromat, like the panties she wore to her wedding. After talking to a few other victims that used the same washing machines, she called the police and Ralph’s water was tested and he was subsequently arrested on 33 charges of assault and battery. He faces up to 74 years in prison if convicted on all charges.

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