December 6, 2021

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Man Narrowly Escapes Death After Foolishly Inserting His Penis Multiple Times Into A Giant Sea Clam Without Knowing He Is Allergic To Shellfish

Ryan Lester (33) of Galveston Texas, is at home recovering after a near death experience with a giant sea clam. Ryan was taking a late night stroll on the shores of Galveston to try and help get over a breakup. His girlfriend had broken up with him the week prior. Not many people were out this particular evening when he spotted an unusual creature that had washed ashore. Upon closer inspection, the creature turned out to be a giant sea clam, with an entrance on it that was remarkably similar to a vagina.

His friends told him to have sex with someone to help get over his ex, but that was not Ryan’s style. However this clam presented a rare opportunity. Like we said, this clam had a vagina like opening and if he closed his eyes he could pretend it was a woman he was having a one night stand with. That would help him get over his ex right?

“Fortunately for Ryan I have seen this very thing happen before” said Dr. Kepper

Ryan took the clam back out to sea with him. When he had reached a point where he could safely enter the clam he stopped and dropped his shorts. It was then he put his penis into the clam. It was warm and slippery thanks to the temperature of Galveston’s water. Almost immediately Ryan was satisfied he made the right decision.

About 37 pumps into the clam and he was done. It is interesting to note that Ryan’s ex left him in part because he lacked sexual stamina. Ryan let the clam sink back down to the ocean floor and proceeded to make his way home. When he woke the next day his face was all swollen up and he went to a hospital to get checked out. He embarrassingly recounted the night prior to an ER doctor. Dr. Kepper had seen this before and told him that he believed he was having an allergic reaction to the shellfish and that it can happen from a sexual encounter just as easily as it can from digestion of shellfish.

Ryan was lucky to get the Dr. he did. After quickly being diagnosed he was given the antidote and sent home. Swelling should be down in a few days and he will be fine after that, sans his bruised ego.

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