January 15, 2022

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Man Pretends To Be A Cow To Get His “Udder” Milked

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Carl Twinly of Beaumont Texas has been arrested on charges of public indecency and masturbation by deception. Mr. Twinly posed as a dairy cow during the local 4-H milking competition. Carl was milked by a total of 13 contestants before his ruse was uncovered.

“I’m the best milker in 3 counties and it took me 30 minutes to get the old girl to spit out some milk. I knew something was up when the milk didn’t taste right”, Grover Wearfeather a local contestant said.

“I can’t get the image of the giant utter out of my mind”, 4-H blue ribbon winner.

Sometime during the competition Carl had to take a leak. Curious onlookers stared at his enormous utter while it produced a yellow liquid. “We thought it may be a heifer with infected utter. It was so large and throbbing. I went to take a better look and instantly recognized it as a full grown mans penis. I confronted Mr. Twinly and he just tried to “Moo” me away but that wasn’t gonna work this time. I kicked him in the nuts and hog tied him until the police arrived”, said 4-H judge Maxwell Lewis.

Carl was taken away wearing the biggest smile you have ever seen. “I’ve had all sort of men and women jacking me off for the past 4hrs. Life doesn’t get better than this”, he said. Police in Beaumont are used to people sodomizing animals, but this is a first for them. “I will now be inspecting the utters of all dairy cows before milking”, said Chief Lancaster.

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