Man About Lose Hand Due To trump’s Policy On Clean Needle Exchanges

Bakersfield, CA – Marty Bender (34) is about to lose his hand. Many will say it is his fault. No one asked him to be a IV drug user. And now his hand is going to be lost because of his addiction.

Clean needle exchanges were taken out of Bakersfield because that “obviously” contributes to people using drugs just like condoms contribute to sex. Clean needle exchanges are controversial. They do provide sterile instruments to lessen the chances of contracting disease and infections, but because of the clientele Bakersfield has shut down all exchanges with heavy support from republicans and as part of a nation wide crackdown ordered by trump to “stop helping the scourge of society”.

“We do what we are told or risk being let go. That’s the atmosphere here right now. Common sense is no longer common and I am just saddened that we have to shut down the exchanges” – James Renthol BPD public relations.

trump has a zero tolerance for drug users when it comes to compassion and treating everyone as equal. Here is a quote from trump taking during a visit to Berder King, “excuse me, excuse me have you seen my hydroxychloroquine? very sad news about that mans hand. we obviously can’t be giving hand outs to people to use IV drugs. and now that he will lose a hand that will be one less hand to give a hand out to. I think Pelosi has my hydroxychloroquine. Someone check on that or I’ll fire you. Time for my hamberder and diet coke”.

Nothing like a president to put a nation at ease with care and compassion for all. I wonder what that’s like.

“Hey man I know there’s risks, with clean needles those risks are lessened. No one told me to get addicted to meth, but in bakersfield what else you gonna do? Maybe I’ll fill my rig of with Lysol. That should work right? I wish I could slap that orange fool, but I’m afraid to catch whatever he’s got” – Bender

Bender ultimately takes responsibility for his actions, but we can’t help feel like society is moving backwards due to blue hairs and hidden agendas. There has been some speculation that the illuminati may have had a “hand” in trumps actions. The reptilian elite are definitely having their say.


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