December 6, 2021

Ringsssss

Voted Best Satire Site On The Planet 3 Times

Memory Foam Mattress Takes Its Own Life When The Memories Become Too Much To Handle

In sad news today, a memory foam mattress has taking its own life. The mattress spent its life with Spencer McGill (22). They had been together for 10 years. In that 10 years it saw many many things which cannot be spoken of, but a few that can. It made it through the great masturbation binge of 2013 when a teenage Spencer could not jack-off enough. Cum stains were everywhere. Then there was that time Spencer shit his bed after eating bad sushi, that one left a stain.

Puke and piss could still be smelled if the temperature was right. All Spencer had to do was clean it from time to time. Wash the covers, change the sheets. But no, he could not properly care for his mattress. Unable to cope with the thought of another 10 years of this madness, the mattress took its own life.

No longer would it hold memories. You would sink into it and keep on sinking. All thoughts and memories were gone. The mattress is survived by a set of memory foam pillows and Spencer’s cum sock. In lieu of flower, the family is asking for donations for a regular spring mattress for Spencer to sleep on.

0 Shares