September 16, 2021

Ringsssss

Voted Best Satire Site On The Planet 3 Times

His Neighbors Wouldn’t Stop Calling Him “The Ginger Bread Man”, So He Shit On Their Lawn

Beaumont, TX- Linus Cooper Walker (27), is a man who had finally reached his limit when his neighbors would not stop calling him The Ginger Bread Man. Linus understood he was gonna receive jokes and comments on his red hair, but his neighbors in Beaumont were ruthless.

Let him tell you about it, “These Beaumont folk are so podunk and petty that they will never let anything go and if you say anything they just call you more names. You really can’t reason with stupid. Everywhere I went these clever folk would make fun of me. The worst were my neighbors who put up signs saying “The Ginger Bread Man lives next door” with a giant wooden finger pointing to my house.

They just won’t shut up. It’s like they are children on a playground. My poor boy is the target of relentless ridicule. I’m glad he shitted on their lawn.

“That was it. I couldn’t do no more so I loaded up on Taco Bell and ex-lax. Smoked a pack of cigarettes and shat about 7 pounds of ooey gooey stinky stanky shit all over their prized lawn. I regret nothing.”

To add to the insanity of this twilight shit show of a town, the owners of the lawn he shitted on are suing him over the mud pie. And they hope the case is tried in front of Judge Judy so they can make the local paper Beaumont Backwards Gazette.

Word to the wise. If you ever find yourself in this town, keep on driving and save yourself.

0 Shares