Houston, TX- A man known only by the moniker “The Booty Shorts Bandit”, has struck once again at another unsuspecting Wal-Mart. “TBSB” as he is known to police is the most prolific self-checkout thief in the last 20 years. It is estimated that he has stolen in upwards of 850K worth of merchandise over that 20 year period.
He is the typical self-checkout thief. A simple slight of hand and poof a $73 dollar product only costs pennies on the dollar. Believe it or not he has walked out of stores with 75in flat screen tv’s, tires, computers, countless 30 packs of Natural Light and once a clydesdale horse from a Budweiser promo.
If spotted authorities urge you to “not to get mesmerized by his sweet buttocks in them booty shorts” and that “you should contact the local police immediately”. Becoming sort of a cult hero, TBSB seems to always escape capture with murmurs about help from strangers. He has become something of an anti-hero.
Walmart is offering a $10,000 reward for information leading to the arrest and prosecution of TBSB. Word on the streets is that TBSB will make you an apprentice Booty Shorts Bandit if you don’t rat on him. Please stayed tuned as more of this story unfolds!