Large Penises Linked To The R1147 “Toe Thumb Gene”


Switzerland- Reports from CERN have come out that men with toe thumbs are 10X more likely to have an above average penis of 8″ or more. “The stumped thumb gene leaves more DNA available for the penis. It you don’t believe me I can drop my pants”, said one scientist. The DNA in gene R1147 is responsible for growth of the thumb. For reasons not yet known it leaves the thumb before full length can be achieved and ventures down to the penis to finish its work.

There is also a study underway to see if toe thumbs in woman can be linked to large clitoris’ in females, but there is a lack of test subjects to complete the study. There was not a lack of test subjects for men. Over 100 men showed up to CERN ready to show their thumbs and meat sticks. Of the 100 men that showed up as test subjects, 95 of them had penises 8″ or longer. The other five were all 6″ and above.

“As I do not have the R1147 gene, I will be paying special attention to results of this study”, Dr. Gonife

“This is incredible news. We may well find a way to harness that toe thumb DNA and offer a medical, non invasive way for all men to lengthen the their dick”, a scientist on the board of directors said under the condition of anonymity. The hope here is to spread the wealth to those of us not blessed with the R1147 gene.

At Daily News Reported we had all our male employees with toe thumbs show their wieners and from our limited results we can verify the validity of what researchers of CERN have found. Our male staff members with toes thumbs have giant penises.

“This may way change the dating game. People will now get a glimpse of what they can expect in a partners package. Gone are the days of mystery and disappointment when a man offers a tiny cock to pleasure you”, says dating expert Dr. Rhonda Milligan.

Next time you venture out, pay attention to the thumbs of those around you. You may just find an elephant of a man!

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