Atlanta, GA- The CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), have announced cocaine as the antidote for the coronavirus.

“While the news of this patient improving rapidly is definitely something were happy about, we would like to administer the cocaine in a more controlled environment” – Ted Mells PR for the CDC

This news was found out when an undisclosed patient whom was also a habitual cocaine user started seeing signs of improvement while others were not getting better. When questioned on what, if anything he was doing different since the time he started improving he said, “well I figure I was done for, so I lined up a fat gagger and took it straight to the dome. After about 6 or 7 more of those I took and handful of Xanax and crashed for about 3 days. When I woke up I felt great!”

While this may seem like a drastic action to take, the fact of the matter is at proper doses cocaine has been found to destroy the coronavirus’ ability to duplicate and the virus dies within a weeks time. This is great news for cartels smuggling the drug into the U.S.

1 Comment

  1. So, is that what we tell the cops? “Officer, that’s prescription cocaine. I’m a chronic sufferer of the corona virus and bottling company. The doctors are weening me off to about a quarter ounce and a case a day. Yes, I was driving, how else would I get to my job as a teacher? Walk? I did that for years before I got this prescription. It’s really been a dream come true for me.”

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