Florida Man Is About To Lose His Hand After Using It To Wipe His Butt For 3yrs Because Toilet Paper “Secretly Gathers Information From The Anus”

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Sarasota, Florida – Alex Yankinov is about to lose his hand from an infection caused by it having continuous contact with his own feces. Alex believes to a man, that toilet paper is used to gather information from his anus. What that information is is anyone’s guess. “Stopping me from wiping my ass with my hand is akin to making a vegan eat meat” says Alex.

Doctors say that Yankinov’s infection, “is the most disgusting case of gross self-negligence we have ever seen”. “The feces has made it’s way into the blood stream via sores on his skin that are the result of drug induced skin picking”, according to doctors at a local hospital.

“This shit is disgusting. What do you want me to say? I’m definitely requesting hazard pay” – Dr. Deeds of Sarasota General Hospital.

Yankinov is being held in a CDC approved infection disease specialty hospital, where he is getting ready to have his hand and possibly most of his arm removed. “This is my favorite giggity giggity hand, I’ll have to learn to use the other now”.

Alex will be held in a mental institution for an indeterminate amount of time pending diagnosis and treatment effectiveness. As more information becomes available, please check back for updates.

4 Comments

    • You would be surprised at how many people know this type of stuff, but as a nurse and I think I’ve seen it all, some thing like this comes into the hospital and I have to say” I thought I saw it all”.

  1. someone was just talking about some situation like this and I said, I bet we are going to read an article about it someday! I didnt know you guys were here for that conversation, as it only was last weekend!! WTF dude! Put that pipe down! Get him some help fast! Just dont shake his hand! 😉

    • It was the toilet paper you wiped your ass with. It stole the information from that conversation from your anus. And delivered here to this sad place.

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