Sarasota, Florida – Alex Yankinov is about to lose his hand from an infection caused by it having continuous contact with his own feces. Alex believes to a man, that toilet paper is used to gather information from his anus. What that information is is anyone’s guess. “Stopping me from wiping my ass with my hand is akin to making a vegan eat meat” says Alex.
Doctors say that Yankinov’s infection, “is the most disgusting case of gross self-negligence we have ever seen”. “The feces has made it’s way into the blood stream via sores on his skin that are the result of drug induced skin picking”, according to doctors at a local hospital.
Yankinov is being held in a CDC approved infection disease specialty hospital, where he is getting ready to have his hand and possibly most of his arm removed. “This is my favorite giggity giggity hand, I’ll have to learn to use the other now”.
Alex will be held in a mental institution for an indeterminate amount of time pending diagnosis and treatment effectiveness. As more information becomes available, please check back for updates.