Emotional Support

Houston, Texas- Lucy Benson (81), has been arrested on 43 charges of first degree murder. The suspect has been linked to at least 15 different retirement homes where suspicious deaths have occurred. Benson would befriend men whom had no heirs to leave money. She would gain their trust and build […]

Glenda Stiller (71), was in court the other day to put on the record the story of how she contracted genital warts. The reason behind the trail was an insurance dispute between Stiller and her PPO. Her insurance was denying her claim for gastric bypass surgery on account of her […]

Clint Eastwood (92), was rushed to a local Carmel Hospital earlier today after the deadly Ligma virus took control of his vital organs. The storied actor, director and champion for the common man, was feeling fine just days prior. A spokesman for the Actor had this to say to media […]

Los Angeles, CA- Unless you have been living under a rock, you have seen Tesla vehicles all over the road. Here in Southern California it’s doubly true. Obnoxious Tesla drivers stick their noses in the air at us gas burners. To combat the rising belief that they are better than […]

Chicago, Il- Gertrude Pettis (Maternal Granddaughter Of Marilyn Monroe) was in town to sign autographs for some of her grandmother’s super fans. An autograph from Gertrude is just the item some people are looking for to complete their Marilyn Monroe collections. For Gertrude the signings offer a way to travel […]

Herman Shudders Of Ojai California has battled obesity his whole life. In his early 20’s he had his first gastric bypass. After that surgery he lost 450 pounds over the course of 2 years. That dramatic of a weight loss caused an embarrassingly large amount of loose skin. He could […]

Montecito, CA- Oprah Winfrey was rushed to a Santa Barbara hospital from her home in Montecito early this morning. A call came in from one of her maids claiming she was in incredible pain and needed help urgently. Paramedics arrived at her compound and quickly got her into the ambulance […]

Miley Cyrus (29) was spotted in Los Angeles with a very noticeable baby bump. Her bump confirms rumors that she is pregnant with Hunter Biden’s (51) child. The two famously met some years back at an MTV after party where they bonded over drugs and growing up in their father’s […]

Oxnard, CA – Elizabeth Montgomery was arrested January 26th without incident for allegedly feeding her family the remains of late husband for Sunday night dinner. “Once a month we would go over to Grandma Montgomery’s for Sunday dinner. The month after Grandad disappeared was a particular hard time for us […]

In a stunning move, Nabisco has sent out word to various media outlets that their beloved Ritz “Crackers” will now be known as “Biscuits”. This comes after 10’s of 1000’s complaints were lodged by offended caucasians. “We received a bevy of emails and letters from people claiming that using the […]